Thursday, July 1, 2010

Originally posted on Davar Acher blog ...



I am one of those people who has always thinks "Help" is a dirty four-letter word. For some reason it feels like failure, it feels like a loss of independence, and it certainly feels vulnerable. Of course, I am always willing to help others - enjoy doing it, but almost never admit I need help or ask for it myself. Well, until recently. In my personal life, I have just come through three serious situations over the past 8 months that required me to ask for help.

The first was in October 2009 when my father had a cardiac event, was in and out of a coma for a week, and then died. I asked for help a lot those two weeks and each time, people were jumping at the chance to be there to support me in some way. I asked for meals, I asked for someone to send me clothes (my family is in St. Louis and I live in ATL), I asked for someone to just check and answer my voicemails. I asked for someone to take care of my cats. I asked for people to pray for my father. I asked a friend from out-of-town to drop everything and come officiate the funeral. Despite the fact it was tremendously hard for me to ask for all of these things, it was easy for people to respond "yes."

For those of you who are pet people, you will understand my second instance .... In April, one of my cats suddenly took deathly ill. The vets didn't think she was going to make it, and the over the course of a week she went from "fine" to battling about a half-dozen ailments. It was all I could do to go back and forth from the vet, to the animal hospital (where she was overnight on i.v.'s), to my house, and back again. I didn't eat or sleep for almost 8 days ... and I found that I had to ask for help that week. I was so distraught, I wasn't functioning, and yet it still took me 5 days into the chaos to ask for help. Just asking a friend to come be with me when I couldn't be alone - a friend who came over and held me while I just cried and cried and cried. A friend who forced me to eat (and cooked for me), a friend who brought over ice cream without my needing to ask. And yet asking for that help was so painful ... but receiving it was so comforting.

Three weeks ago, I had 20" of my colon removed ... and found myself in the third situation where I had to ask for help. Help from family, help from nurses (great nurses rock and are under-appreciated!), help from neighbors and friends. Each time, my independence threatened to get in the way of asking for the help ... but each time my community came through for me on so many levels. Even people from across the globe recognized that one way they could help - even though geographically disadvantaged - was by cheering on my spirits - sending notes, text messages, emails, flowers, books, magazines, gift certificates, etc. (This Jim Joseph Fellows community put a smile on my face more than once the last few weeks!)

So why is it that it takes serious - life threatening (whether for me or for a loved-one of mine) for me to be able to ask for help? Why is when people are so generous and willing to give, I hesitate to ask? Why is it that despite the fact that people have proven to have truly giving spirits over the past 8 months, that I still will wait for crisis to ask for help? And if this is how I respond in my personal life, professionally it is even harder to ask for help ... Why can't I give myself over to asking without hesitation?

Reflecting on it, I am reminded that one of the first acts in Torah is G-d telling Adam that he needs a help-mate.

Genesis 2:18:
And God said: 'It is not good that the man should be alone;
I will make him a help mate for him.'

This is a reminder to all of us ...we are made in G-d's image, and it is innate in us to recognize when someone needs help. It is important for us to recognize that both the act of helping and the act of being helped are holy. It truly is that simple.

And just as simple is the response when someone helps you.... say "Thank You."

So I offer up this blog as a Todah Rabah for all the people who have helped me - particularly over the last 8 months. You have not only helped me in the moment I needed it, but you have also helped me better be able to ask for help.







17 comments:

于庭 said...

成熟,就是有能力適應生活中的模糊。.................................................................

陳韋夏陳韋夏益東富益東富 said...

每次看完你的文章,總是回味許久,要經常發表喔。..................................................................

玉苓玉苓 said...

你文章很棒的~繼續分享給大家~~~~..................................................................

吳婷婷 said...

Pay somebody back in his own coin.............................................................

RodrigoR_倪 said...

憤怒,是片刻的瘋狂。..................................................

楊偉馨楊偉馨 said...

祝大家都平平安安健健康康!..................................................................

姿柯瑩柯dgdd憶曾g智曾 said...

沒有經過反省的人生,是不值得活的人生..................................................

王美妹 said...

看得見您的用心~~希望這裡愈來愈熱鬧哦~~............................................................

曾法幸 said...

Gold will not buy everything...................................................

RicoLisi0802志竹 said...

跟您打聲招呼,願我們大家都更好!!..................................................................

RicoLisi0802志竹 said...

留言支持,請繼續加油,謝謝您囉~~..................................................................

吳家達張怡萱張怡萱 said...

期待你的下次更新喔^____^..................................................................

林宗羅嘉菱達 said...

心中醒,口中說,紙上作,不從身上習過,皆無用也。..................................................

姿胤綸婷 said...

我對自己的信心已超越別人對我的評價................................................

leighb121 said...

我只知道,假如我去愛人生,那人生一定也會回愛我................................................

文王廷 said...

海鷗要高飛,必先遠退。花蜜要香醇,必先久釀。............................................................

凱v胡倫 said...

來逛逛blog~~跟您打聲招呼............................................................