Back in the Saddle

Last year I blogged about how I need Elul to ramp up to the High Holy Days. So this year I am doing two things to prepare (see my work blog here for details).

The question asked on the first day of Elul in Jewels of Elul, was:

If you had to count the number of times you “got back in the saddle again” this year after a fall, how many times would it be? Is it harder or easier the more times you do it?

Well, let's count, shall we?

• Dad died
• Agency Funding Ran Out = Out of Work
• Cat almost died
• Relationships ended
• Was sick for 5 months which resulted in 20" of my colon being removed
• Denied reasonable health coverage TWICE and medical expenses tapped me out
• Oh, and there was that random flat tire which always causes a headache!

I would say it isn't harder or easier the more times you do it, it's just hard. But with some support from friends and family (THANK YOU to each and every one of you), you manage to get back up and face the world again.

It is also important to admit when the horse has dumbed you one-too-many times, and you need a professional counselor or pastoral care, to help you help yourself to get back in the saddle. Some people see that as a weakness, but it's truly strength that allows you to admit when, despite their love and care, family and friends just aren't strong enough to hoist you up.

The Holy Days are about reflection and refocusing. They are about admitting our mistakes and committing to not make them again. They are about visioning your future and beginning to take the steps to enact that vision. And in that way, it's really about today. About now. It's not about "do it tomorrow" or "do it next year" .... which reminds me of this song from the musical RENT (listen to it here):

The heart may freeze or it can burn

The pain will ease if I can learn

There is no future
There is no past
Thank God this moment's not the last
 

There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret-- or life is yours to miss.
No other road
  
No other way
No day but today
There's only yes
Only tonight
  
We must let go
To know what is alright
No other course
No other way
No day but today
  
I can't control
My destiny
I trust my soul
My only hope
is just to be
 
There's only now
There's only here
Give in to love
Or live in fear
No other path
No other way
No day but today